After Debut Mass: Fresh Face Graces the Pulpit

A new priest, nervous at his first Mass, sought advice from the monsignor on how to relax.

The monsignor suggested using vodka instead of water to calm nerves. The young priest followed this advice the following Sunday, drinking more than he should during the sermon.

Despite the excessive drinking, the priest delivered a spirited and energetic sermon, impressing the congregation.

Additional Advice from the Monsignor

After the Mass, the monsignor left a note for the priest, advising him to sip the altar vodka and avoid gulping. He also corrected some theological misconceptions and inappropriate language used during the sermon.

• There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
• There are 12 disciples, not 10.
• Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
• David slew Goliath; he did not “kick the holy crap” out of him.

• The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are not “Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.”
• We do not call the cross “the Big T.”
• The Virgin Mary is not “Mary with the Cherry.”

The monsignor humorously reminded the priest that a little less of the “Holy Spirit” in the sermon might be more effective.